Mothering Elephant
May 14
I made this drawing at work today with the patients and our art therapist who comes in once a week. She placed pictures of animals from National Geographic out all over the table and instructed participants to pick an image they liked. Naturally, I gravitated toward the elephants. But not just any elephant picture (there were plenty!) but this image in particular. We placed our animal pictures beneath pink acetate and traced them with sharpee marker. Then we colored the paper beneath the acetate to make an environment for the traced animals. Several of the patients and I also chose to apply oil pastels to the acetate, which worked nicely. This is the finished product.
One by one, the art therapist had participants share their creations. And of course, there was no getting out of it for me – she made me share mine, too. She then asked the group, “How do you think this picture describes Christy?” The following is why I had an awesome day.
The patients said, “She’s nurturing!” “She takes care of us.” “She protects us.” “She listens to us and helps us.” “She’s encouraging us.” “She’s like a mother elephant.”
My coworker Paula said, “It is getting ready to take on a leadership role. This elephant is strong, and she definitely has a voice!”
The art therapist asked me, “What is it saying?”
I answered, “I can make a difference.”
Art therapist: “Or how about also, I CAN take care of myself while I’m doing this work.”
I felt so validated, so fulfilled, and so happy at that moment. I thought to myself as I was driving home in the car today, “So THIS is what it feels like to actually like your job.”
Ways My Mind Amuses Itself in Morning Traffic
May 14
Radio: “There’s an accident on the Edens at Foster.”
Christy-language translation: “I-94 is constipated at the Foster sphincter.”
I Love Pastels
May 13
It’s a short one today folks – made a quick-and-dirty drawing with oil pastels today during our first art therapy group at the high school. Also took a bunch of photographs of our room, students, and especially student artwork. Pictures on Flickr to follow!
“Reason Number 79 Why I Will Not Raise My Kids Here.”
May 12
I convinced Chris to walk on the beach with me this evening, the ulterior motive being to spend some quality time with him holding hands, since I was away all this past weekend, and he is leaving town this coming weekend.
I LOVE the water. I wanted to feel sand in my toes and breathe in fresh air off the lake. We got to Montrose beach and realized the sand was freezing; definitely too cold for bare feet. So I decided we should walk along the stone wall. A perfect idea until it became a game to see if I could avoid cutting my feet on the broken glass from alcohol bottles smashed all over the rocks. We were not holding hands. We were too busy looking at the ground.
“Well, this is decidedly unromantic.”
We continued walking, and noticed some children running wildly along the sand hills (I would call them “dunes,” but that would definitely be romanticizing) ahead of us. I noticed one child throw a fistful of sand at another boy who was running away from him… but unlike snow, sand does NOT stick together. In spite of his mighty hurl, as soon as the boy’s fist opened all of the sand ended up in his own face. This was funny.
Then the best (and worst) thing happened. A third little boy came charging in from the right wielding a brown glass Bud Light bottle. He caught up to boy #2 and swung the bottle in the air above his head, unleashing a hefty swath of sand in the shape of a noodle into the air, painting a perfect stripe right down boy #2’s back.
It was only upon seeing this unlikely trash-play that Chris finally said “Reason number seventy-nine why I will not raise my kids here.”
Where “seventy-nine” came from, we may never know. But these are the things I appreciate most about my husband: idiosyncratic phrasing, and the fact that he will be an extraordinary father (someday!).
Oh… and this picture is water color pencil, and of nothing in particular. Just a quick little doodle-in-time for today’s entry.
In Awe of the Awesomeness of Nature… (and then quickly running away).
May 7
Look at this leaf! Is this not one of the coolest leaves you’ve ever seen? Nature is the BOMB!
Saw this when walking this morning with Melissa on one of our (what are quickly becoming) infamous (late) morning walks. And while talking about The Usual1, we came across a tree with THESE LEAVES. We fondled the leaves while exclaiming “CUUUUTE!” (the opposite of the more commonly used “stuuuuuupid”) and I took a picture of the leaf on my iPhone while a person who lived in the house of which this tree was in the front yard stepped out the front door. Naturally, we scurried off pretending like nothing happened.
1 The Usual: adj. of or in reference to the speech used to indicate how much “Christy”(n) and “Melissa”(n) “hate” their significant others’ faces.
I Want My Funny Back!
May 6
I have a serious problem. I can’t think of anything funny anymore.
(Besides butts and toilets, of course).
I created this image from collage material, acrylic paint, charcoal, and oil pastels over a year ago. It says “If I am lost its only for a little while.” It is appropriate for this plog title, and my current feelings.
I see tragic, sad, depressing shit all day long. I work with troubled teenagers. But you know what? Even in a place where so much pain is evident, funny things DO happen. And people will always have a sense of humor, even in the most dire of circumstances. For instance right now, there is a rather mischievous patient who loves to shove things in the toilet.
Blankets from the bed. Jeans. Shorts. Toothpaste. Styrofoam cups. Pencils. You name it, its probably gone in the toilet. Also, other patients’ clothes. That went over well.
Episode two: The music therapist was in the other day, and she asked the patients to introduce themselves and say what their favorite instrument is and why. A particularly ornery patient answered “My ASS. For all the glorious sounds it makes.” God, I worked SO HARD to keep a straight face. It was exceedingly difficult. I took the patient away from the group to work on something else, as the rest of the milieu cracked up. After depositing the patient, I marched straight back behind the nurse’s station, closed the door, and laughed with one of my coworkers until there were tears streaming down my face and I was gasping for breath. Oh. My. God.
Please funny, come back to me! I need more funny in my life. Maybe writing this blog will help me to remember that funny things still happen. All the time. Even in the most depressing places.
Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen
May 4
Wasn’t sure what to draw today and I’m a few days behind (sorry!) but once I started scribbling with the black pen, the drawing took over. It’s been a challenging couple of days at work as we have a very acute psychotic patient on the unit who has lashed out on both my shifts. It’s so devastatingly heartbreaking to see someone so tormented and out of touch with reality. It’s also amazing to me how my body reacts in the middle of the storm. When it happened today, I retreated out of danger’s way and immediately sought out the other patients to make sure they were safe. I am the still, inviting, empty chair in the middle of the chaos and turmoil of crisis that goes on around me all day long. Come talk with me – rest on me for a while. It is safe here. I will listen to you – I am whoever you want me to be, sitting across from you. As the chaos swirls and shakes around us, I am always still; feet on the ground. Somehow, being among the chaos makes me feel calm; grounded. Alive.
The Truth
April 30
I could not disagree MORE with the old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes, the truth is not so nice. The truth can often hurt. But the truth about the truth is that it always helps.
Containment
April 29
A Fruitless Fight
April 28
Trying to power through it today… made a list of all self-deprecating thoughts on the back of this drawing at it actually made me feel somewhat better! Feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do this week, and not looking forward to the conflicts I must face at the high school tomorrow. After the drawing I felt calmer, more relaxed, and empowered. More later!
A Flock Looming Overhead
April 27
I have decided to get blueelephant back up and running (as if I need another time suck!) but this time it’s going to be a PLOG (picture blog). When I stopped blogging almost three years ago, this site was a collection of hilarious excerpts from my life. I plan to continue this tradition, while adding the artistic element for honesty. For the past three years I have been keeping a daily drawing journal. This started as a class assignment for Art Therapy seminar my first year of graduate school, and has become an integral part of my life ever since. While it hasn’t been exactly “daily” for quite some time, I do a drawing and journal at least a few times a week. It is a grounding experience which I typically engage in right before I go to bed. Sometimes, I can’t sleep until I express and contain my feelings in a picture.
I want to share this with you.
This drawing was done over a year ago, but accurately depicts my experience at this particular juncture. Distracted, a little anxious, worried, and anticipating the future.
